the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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