the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
