Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My pussy is not your playground.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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