jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
