i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
