why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
