JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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