Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
