YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize