i need an iv and a liver transplant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
