Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
