I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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