someone threw a dead crab at me
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
