she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
