Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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