I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
