i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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