dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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