I'm drive I can fine osifer
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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