She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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