Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
