I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
