Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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