My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I take back everything I said about communal showers
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
