at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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