He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
