Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
