just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
