I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
