I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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