I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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