listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
