I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just had sex on a roof
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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