We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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