Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
