i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
