dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
