I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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