She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize