i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
