batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
