my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
