This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
