I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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