i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
