so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
