He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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