And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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