Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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