Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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