What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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