what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
