I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
