Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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