party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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