you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Panties = found
Randomize
