I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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