I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize