Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
