life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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