she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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