Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
