Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
