Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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