Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
