I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She told me I should be a condom model.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
