Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
