before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize