I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
