Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
