still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
