You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize