I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
we're so committed to being not committed
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