Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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