I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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