So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
