I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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