On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
