A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
