my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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