PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
