The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
