I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
