Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
