he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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