in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize