My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
