tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
