you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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